Fathers

I know that the trajectory of my relationship with my father is the same as many and probably has been chronicled in many pschology texts. And yet it remains perplexing and difficult.

I am now at the stage when I know my father is in the wrong and yet I see know value in fighting him. I am not compelled to prove something or I do not need to belittle him to make me feel like I am superior. I see him for who he is and who I really am. Men -- just trying to make it in a world which is much vaster than we are.

I love him for what he has provided me and appreciate everything that he has done given the tools he has. I respect him and I will always do that.

Thanks Dad for being the father I needed

5 Patterns of the Successful from Talent Monger www.5patterns.com

What are the factors that dramatically and consistently impact career success? Why do some people ascend and prosper while others of equally talent, never reach their expectations? From our research we discovered five discrete patterns that time and time again show up in the careers of the most successful executives:

1. Understand the Value of You. People with extraordinary careers understand how value is created in the workplace and translate that knowledge into action, building their personal value over each phase of their careers.

2. Practice Benevolent Leadership. People with extraordinary careers do not claw their way to the top. They are carried there.

3. Overcome the Permission Paradox. People with extraordinary careers overcome one of the great Catch-22s of business: You can't get the job without the experience, and you can't get the experience without the job.

4. Differentiate Using the 20/80 Principle of Performance. People with extraordinary careers do their defined jobs exceptionally well but don't stop there. They storm past pre-determined objectives to create breakthrough ideas and deliver unexpected impact.

5. Find the Right Fit. People with extraordinary careers make decisions with the long term in mind. They willfully migrate toward positions that fit their natural strengths and passions, and where they can work with people they like and respect.
Greg Robin | 415.425.5374c

Quiting

Several members of a group, to which I belong, was called "Quitters" and because of this perception that a person labelling them quitters no longer want to join our group.

This makes me laugh on so many levels. First, we are all quitters to some extent -- otherwise, we would still be in diapers. So the question is when is something "quitting" and something "moving on".

For me, there is no question that there are things which I will not easily quit or it is unlikely I will ever quit, e.g. my marriage. My job, I will quit, if something better comes a long. So what is the difference. For me, it is about my long term goals and what I want. If my wife woke up tomorrow and decided that she (1) did not want to have kids and (2) wanted to be a beach bum in Thailand, I would probably quit my marriage because it is not what I want and not what I signed up for.

However, I don't think because I am tired of doing something means that it is time to quit. Nothing, especially great things, is easy and I think that I will need to work through these things.

I also think that how you quit is what helps define me as a man. It is like breaking up or quitting a relationship. The fade or fizzle is irresponsible in my book, but I also don't think listening to a woman trash me 3-4 times is necessary. Each man needs to figure out what is right for him.

Ahhh it is so easy to describe how it should be and so hard to actually do it.

Wisdom and Perspective with your Kids...

What would happen to our lives, our world, if the parent could unconditionally affirm the child, saying in so many words: "You are precious to us; you will always have our love and support; you are here to be who you are; try never to hurt another, but never stop trying to become yourself as fully as you can; when you fall and fail, you are still loved by us and welcomed to us, but you are also here to leave us, and to go onward toward your own destiny without having to worry about pleasing us." How history would change! How each child would be freed by the parent's courage to sacrifice his or her narcissistic needs in service to that child's joint but separate journey! How each parent would then be free to address the questions that life brings to him or her, without living through the child! How each child could explore, experiment, falter, and regroup, without shame, without self-derogation, armed always by the experience of love and support, which one may carry as food for the soul in the times of desolation and defeat that come to us all! -Anonymous

Changing jobs? Some things to think about...

What is the goal of this organization? How is it crystalized or reinforced by the organization?

What are its values? Where is the evidence or how is this evident?

How do they do meetings (in the Company)?

The following are insightful examples of questions a candidate should ask:

Who do I report to in this position?

What is his background?

Where does this job fit in the general organization?

What type of projects will I work on first?

What problems will I solve up front?

What are the short term/long term goals of the company?

What was the profile of the last person in this position?

Describe the profile of a successful employee at your company?

Tell me about the ideal skills needed for the position?

What are the strengths and weaknesses of the department?

Goals to convey as a candidate for a position are threefold: 1) to get a strong feel for the quality, personality, and style of the person, 2) to assess how well he or she lines up with the requirements for the job, and 3) to sell the opportunity. I feel that I am simultaneously "buying," in the sense of evaluating the individual, and "selling," in the sense of making the candidate more interested in the job.
Greg Robin | 415.425.5374c

Pleasing my mommy...

I had the opportunity to spend the weekend with my mother's younger brother, my uncle Brian. They both share the tragedy of having lost their mother when they were both in their early 20's. For Brian, it was a hard thing to eventually get over because as he puts it, how do you ever get over the passing of the one person who probably unconditionally loves you the most in the world -- and therefore the one you most look to please.
The context of the conversation was really about how as adults we need to end our pursuit of pleasing the desires of our family and external parties, so that we can hope to please ourselves, thereby being the keepers of our own happiness; which then helps us approach all our other relationships as a functioning, independent rather than as a co-dependent seeking happiness from our partners.
Greg Robin | 415.425.5374c

"Get busy livin' or Get busy Dyin'"

That is the quote from the movie "Shawshank Redemption" and it has been on my mind the last few days.

Now in my 40's, I realize I am at least halfway through and there is so much I still would like to do. And, I also find that married life tends to "slow" me down. Sometimes this is good, but I also think that sometimes I would like to move a little bit quicker. I know my wife thrives on routine and having dinner at a certain time, going to bed at a certain time, taking naps on the weekends are important to her.

But, every now and then I like the adrenaline rush even if it is somewhat contrived. As a friend said the other day, he often would try to time arrving at an airplane just as they were getting ready to shut the doors. Now, he does not need the added stress with kids and a wife.

I still like the adrenaline flow and did not realize how much I was missing it until recently. For various reasons, I ended up having to work until 2 AM and the get up at 6 AM to go to work. It was fun. I know it sounds sick, but I liked the intensity and the feeling that I was accomplishing a lot.

I know there is a balance. I married my wife because who she is and therefore getting into her routine is important. But she also married me and she is going to have to allow me to be me sometimes.

The "Man Code": Fact or Fiction

Is there really a "Man Code"?

This question has become somewhat a topic of conversation since the Mayor of San Francisco violated it by sleeping with a friend's wife. Some journalist argued that men were more upset by this than women because the Mayor had violated this unwritten "Man Code".

I do believe there is a "Man Code" and part of it is your probably should not sleep with your friend's wife except in certain circumstances, e.g. your friend wrecked your Lamborghini. So what is this "Man Code"?

Short is answer is I don't know. And I imagine for each man it is different. It is the rules which we believe in. It is the rules which guides are choices. It is what makes us a man.

I imagine that these rules evolve as grow and mature, but in the end the Man Code is all we are.

"Do I look fat to you?"

So I have been married less than 6 months and it happened. My beautiful wife came up to me as we were getting ready to go out and said "Do I look fat to you?" And, no, she is not pregnant.

I had heard the stories and there must 100 different sitcom variations on this, but I still was flabbergasted that MY wife would ask this question.

And of course being the guy that I am, I could not think of any of the many diplomatic responses I had been given. They range from "No, honey, you look fabulous" to "How would you like me to answer that question?" to "No more so than a beached whale" -- hoping the latter will produce a smile. I just gave my dumb look.

Which brings to me a great article that my sister-in-law sent to me about animal training. It is called L.R.S (Least Re-inforcing Syndrome). Basically, what it means is that when someone, I mean when an animal, does something which you don't want them to do, don't react. Most likely the person or animal will not do this again as it gets no reaction.

Given that perhaps my dumb look was not so dumb after all.

Best Advice I Have Ever Received

Best advice which I have ever received is "You are going to f*&^-up, so it is not matter of f*&^ing up, but what are you going to do when you do." It is similar to the commercial that says "Michael Jordan took the winning shot 39 times -- and missed." Everyone makes mistakes, life is about learning and moving forward.

Racing Cars -- Men and Competition

This morning during my commute, I probably nearly caused an accident.

Of course, it wasn't my fault. The guy in the Volvo cut me off first, but then the race was on. As we weaved through traffic onto the highway and he gave me the one-fingered salute several times, I could feel the adrenalin rush. This was so much better than coffee in terms of a morning kick start.

After the race - not sure if he won or I did - I realized how much of a high competition is for me. And that it makes me feel young. Over the years, I feel like I have put too much emphasis on "working together" and "being a team player". And, perhaps, realizing that I will not be the greatest tennis player or golfer or even an "average" player, I lost interest.

Moreover, I always worried about the other person being hurt by losing. I have seen very well-mannered people lose it when they lose. Not wanting to cause the hurt, I would rather lose.

But now I realize that this is disrepesctful to my competitor. I am playing on their side of the net so to speak. So, let the competition begin!!

Balance: Is it for you?

I hear a lot of talk about balance and its importance. I cannot help wondering if balance is really always desirable and useful.

For example, often a "balanced diet" is recommended, but I know people who have improved their health immensely by becoming vegetarians. This is not very balanced between meat and vegetables.

I imagine that Tiger Woods life is not "balanced" between playing golf and other sports and other parts of his life. I understand that over the course ofhis life, the time which he spends on different aspects of his life may be more balance -- if he lives to 80.

My point is that, for many of us, balance may provide us certain level of comfort and security because it is unlikely that all parts of our life are going to be complete disasters. And this keeps us happy.

However, I admire those who lead "unbalanced" lives. They focus on something completely and often achieve great success -- and spectacular failures. I remember listening to an Olympic skier talk about how for the 2-3 years before the Olympics, he did not open mail, see movies, talk to their families, etc. That's dedication and perhaps, insanity. BTW, he didn't win a medal.

Finally, I consider being married to be "unbalanced". I imagine there are men who are able to balance being single and married at the same time, but I am definitely not one of them.

Just do it

It is interesting that it is beginning of a new year and yet within the last 6 hrs. I have spoken to several people who have or are attending funerals. A former president who was 93 just passed a way and is being mourned. A Red Sox fan who was 112 just passed away. And yet the CEO of Earthlink died at the age 49. We do not know when we will go, but we will go.

Death is a sad unfortunate part of life, but necessary. It is a reminder that we do not have infinite amount of time, although it may seem that way sometimes -- especially at work.

For me that is again considering what are my values, what do I want to be doing, am I having fun, what is makes my life meaningful. One of my New Year's resolutions is to be in a hurry, don't settle and focus on what is important to me.

So in the words of Nike and a good friend: "Just do it"