I know that the trajectory of my relationship with my father is the same as many and probably has been chronicled in many pschology texts. And yet it remains perplexing and difficult.
I am now at the stage when I know my father is in the wrong and yet I see know value in fighting him. I am not compelled to prove something or I do not need to belittle him to make me feel like I am superior. I see him for who he is and who I really am. Men -- just trying to make it in a world which is much vaster than we are.
I love him for what he has provided me and appreciate everything that he has done given the tools he has. I respect him and I will always do that.
Thanks Dad for being the father I needed
Monday, February 26, 2007
Friday, February 16, 2007
5 Patterns of the Successful from Talent Monger www.5patterns.com
What are the factors that dramatically and consistently impact career success? Why do some people ascend and prosper while others of equally talent, never reach their expectations? From our research we discovered five discrete patterns that time and time again show up in the careers of the most successful executives:
1. Understand the Value of You. People with extraordinary careers understand how value is created in the workplace and translate that knowledge into action, building their personal value over each phase of their careers.
2. Practice Benevolent Leadership. People with extraordinary careers do not claw their way to the top. They are carried there.
3. Overcome the Permission Paradox. People with extraordinary careers overcome one of the great Catch-22s of business: You can't get the job without the experience, and you can't get the experience without the job.
4. Differentiate Using the 20/80 Principle of Performance. People with extraordinary careers do their defined jobs exceptionally well but don't stop there. They storm past pre-determined objectives to create breakthrough ideas and deliver unexpected impact.
5. Find the Right Fit. People with extraordinary careers make decisions with the long term in mind. They willfully migrate toward positions that fit their natural strengths and passions, and where they can work with people they like and respect.
Greg Robin | 415.425.5374c
1. Understand the Value of You. People with extraordinary careers understand how value is created in the workplace and translate that knowledge into action, building their personal value over each phase of their careers.
2. Practice Benevolent Leadership. People with extraordinary careers do not claw their way to the top. They are carried there.
3. Overcome the Permission Paradox. People with extraordinary careers overcome one of the great Catch-22s of business: You can't get the job without the experience, and you can't get the experience without the job.
4. Differentiate Using the 20/80 Principle of Performance. People with extraordinary careers do their defined jobs exceptionally well but don't stop there. They storm past pre-determined objectives to create breakthrough ideas and deliver unexpected impact.
5. Find the Right Fit. People with extraordinary careers make decisions with the long term in mind. They willfully migrate toward positions that fit their natural strengths and passions, and where they can work with people they like and respect.
Greg Robin | 415.425.5374c
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
Quiting
Several members of a group, to which I belong, was called "Quitters" and because of this perception that a person labelling them quitters no longer want to join our group.
This makes me laugh on so many levels. First, we are all quitters to some extent -- otherwise, we would still be in diapers. So the question is when is something "quitting" and something "moving on".
For me, there is no question that there are things which I will not easily quit or it is unlikely I will ever quit, e.g. my marriage. My job, I will quit, if something better comes a long. So what is the difference. For me, it is about my long term goals and what I want. If my wife woke up tomorrow and decided that she (1) did not want to have kids and (2) wanted to be a beach bum in Thailand, I would probably quit my marriage because it is not what I want and not what I signed up for.
However, I don't think because I am tired of doing something means that it is time to quit. Nothing, especially great things, is easy and I think that I will need to work through these things.
I also think that how you quit is what helps define me as a man. It is like breaking up or quitting a relationship. The fade or fizzle is irresponsible in my book, but I also don't think listening to a woman trash me 3-4 times is necessary. Each man needs to figure out what is right for him.
Ahhh it is so easy to describe how it should be and so hard to actually do it.
This makes me laugh on so many levels. First, we are all quitters to some extent -- otherwise, we would still be in diapers. So the question is when is something "quitting" and something "moving on".
For me, there is no question that there are things which I will not easily quit or it is unlikely I will ever quit, e.g. my marriage. My job, I will quit, if something better comes a long. So what is the difference. For me, it is about my long term goals and what I want. If my wife woke up tomorrow and decided that she (1) did not want to have kids and (2) wanted to be a beach bum in Thailand, I would probably quit my marriage because it is not what I want and not what I signed up for.
However, I don't think because I am tired of doing something means that it is time to quit. Nothing, especially great things, is easy and I think that I will need to work through these things.
I also think that how you quit is what helps define me as a man. It is like breaking up or quitting a relationship. The fade or fizzle is irresponsible in my book, but I also don't think listening to a woman trash me 3-4 times is necessary. Each man needs to figure out what is right for him.
Ahhh it is so easy to describe how it should be and so hard to actually do it.
Wisdom and Perspective with your Kids...
What would happen to our lives, our world, if the parent could unconditionally affirm the child, saying in so many words: "You are precious to us; you will always have our love and support; you are here to be who you are; try never to hurt another, but never stop trying to become yourself as fully as you can; when you fall and fail, you are still loved by us and welcomed to us, but you are also here to leave us, and to go onward toward your own destiny without having to worry about pleasing us." How history would change! How each child would be freed by the parent's courage to sacrifice his or her narcissistic needs in service to that child's joint but separate journey! How each parent would then be free to address the questions that life brings to him or her, without living through the child! How each child could explore, experiment, falter, and regroup, without shame, without self-derogation, armed always by the experience of love and support, which one may carry as food for the soul in the times of desolation and defeat that come to us all! -Anonymous
Monday, February 12, 2007
Changing jobs? Some things to think about...
What is the goal of this organization? How is it crystalized or reinforced by the organization?
What are its values? Where is the evidence or how is this evident?
How do they do meetings (in the Company)?
The following are insightful examples of questions a candidate should ask:
Who do I report to in this position?
What is his background?
Where does this job fit in the general organization?
What type of projects will I work on first?
What problems will I solve up front?
What are the short term/long term goals of the company?
What was the profile of the last person in this position?
Describe the profile of a successful employee at your company?
Tell me about the ideal skills needed for the position?
What are the strengths and weaknesses of the department?
Goals to convey as a candidate for a position are threefold: 1) to get a strong feel for the quality, personality, and style of the person, 2) to assess how well he or she lines up with the requirements for the job, and 3) to sell the opportunity. I feel that I am simultaneously "buying," in the sense of evaluating the individual, and "selling," in the sense of making the candidate more interested in the job.
Greg Robin | 415.425.5374c
What are its values? Where is the evidence or how is this evident?
How do they do meetings (in the Company)?
The following are insightful examples of questions a candidate should ask:
Who do I report to in this position?
What is his background?
Where does this job fit in the general organization?
What type of projects will I work on first?
What problems will I solve up front?
What are the short term/long term goals of the company?
What was the profile of the last person in this position?
Describe the profile of a successful employee at your company?
Tell me about the ideal skills needed for the position?
What are the strengths and weaknesses of the department?
Goals to convey as a candidate for a position are threefold: 1) to get a strong feel for the quality, personality, and style of the person, 2) to assess how well he or she lines up with the requirements for the job, and 3) to sell the opportunity. I feel that I am simultaneously "buying," in the sense of evaluating the individual, and "selling," in the sense of making the candidate more interested in the job.
Greg Robin | 415.425.5374c
Pleasing my mommy...
I had the opportunity to spend the weekend with my mother's younger brother, my uncle Brian. They both share the tragedy of having lost their mother when they were both in their early 20's. For Brian, it was a hard thing to eventually get over because as he puts it, how do you ever get over the passing of the one person who probably unconditionally loves you the most in the world -- and therefore the one you most look to please.
The context of the conversation was really about how as adults we need to end our pursuit of pleasing the desires of our family and external parties, so that we can hope to please ourselves, thereby being the keepers of our own happiness; which then helps us approach all our other relationships as a functioning, independent rather than as a co-dependent seeking happiness from our partners.
Greg Robin | 415.425.5374c
The context of the conversation was really about how as adults we need to end our pursuit of pleasing the desires of our family and external parties, so that we can hope to please ourselves, thereby being the keepers of our own happiness; which then helps us approach all our other relationships as a functioning, independent rather than as a co-dependent seeking happiness from our partners.
Greg Robin | 415.425.5374c
Wednesday, February 7, 2007
"Get busy livin' or Get busy Dyin'"
That is the quote from the movie "Shawshank Redemption" and it has been on my mind the last few days.
Now in my 40's, I realize I am at least halfway through and there is so much I still would like to do. And, I also find that married life tends to "slow" me down. Sometimes this is good, but I also think that sometimes I would like to move a little bit quicker. I know my wife thrives on routine and having dinner at a certain time, going to bed at a certain time, taking naps on the weekends are important to her.
But, every now and then I like the adrenaline rush even if it is somewhat contrived. As a friend said the other day, he often would try to time arrving at an airplane just as they were getting ready to shut the doors. Now, he does not need the added stress with kids and a wife.
I still like the adrenaline flow and did not realize how much I was missing it until recently. For various reasons, I ended up having to work until 2 AM and the get up at 6 AM to go to work. It was fun. I know it sounds sick, but I liked the intensity and the feeling that I was accomplishing a lot.
I know there is a balance. I married my wife because who she is and therefore getting into her routine is important. But she also married me and she is going to have to allow me to be me sometimes.
Now in my 40's, I realize I am at least halfway through and there is so much I still would like to do. And, I also find that married life tends to "slow" me down. Sometimes this is good, but I also think that sometimes I would like to move a little bit quicker. I know my wife thrives on routine and having dinner at a certain time, going to bed at a certain time, taking naps on the weekends are important to her.
But, every now and then I like the adrenaline rush even if it is somewhat contrived. As a friend said the other day, he often would try to time arrving at an airplane just as they were getting ready to shut the doors. Now, he does not need the added stress with kids and a wife.
I still like the adrenaline flow and did not realize how much I was missing it until recently. For various reasons, I ended up having to work until 2 AM and the get up at 6 AM to go to work. It was fun. I know it sounds sick, but I liked the intensity and the feeling that I was accomplishing a lot.
I know there is a balance. I married my wife because who she is and therefore getting into her routine is important. But she also married me and she is going to have to allow me to be me sometimes.
Monday, February 5, 2007
The "Man Code": Fact or Fiction
Is there really a "Man Code"?
This question has become somewhat a topic of conversation since the Mayor of San Francisco violated it by sleeping with a friend's wife. Some journalist argued that men were more upset by this than women because the Mayor had violated this unwritten "Man Code".
I do believe there is a "Man Code" and part of it is your probably should not sleep with your friend's wife except in certain circumstances, e.g. your friend wrecked your Lamborghini. So what is this "Man Code"?
Short is answer is I don't know. And I imagine for each man it is different. It is the rules which we believe in. It is the rules which guides are choices. It is what makes us a man.
I imagine that these rules evolve as grow and mature, but in the end the Man Code is all we are.
This question has become somewhat a topic of conversation since the Mayor of San Francisco violated it by sleeping with a friend's wife. Some journalist argued that men were more upset by this than women because the Mayor had violated this unwritten "Man Code".
I do believe there is a "Man Code" and part of it is your probably should not sleep with your friend's wife except in certain circumstances, e.g. your friend wrecked your Lamborghini. So what is this "Man Code"?
Short is answer is I don't know. And I imagine for each man it is different. It is the rules which we believe in. It is the rules which guides are choices. It is what makes us a man.
I imagine that these rules evolve as grow and mature, but in the end the Man Code is all we are.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)